Where are you going?

Where are you going? Far beyond where the horizon lies. - Godspell

Lovely. Two entries in a row that are questions. It really sums up how I feel right now; enjoying life in the moment, certainly, but deeply unsure where it's all heading.

So let's see. I'm young, newly graduated from a good school, healthy and definitely not burnt out. Life should be starting! And oh, it is, but not with the boom and the bang imagined. There are so, so many paths available to take, and there are just as many questions about which one and why and when and how... Agh! But it seems like all those answers will follow if I can settle two overarching questions.

What do I want to do? And...

Who do I want to be?

So, while sharing tidbits that interest me (more on that tomorrow?) I'll muse on those questions, and discuss the smaller ones. If you want to see what I think about, read on. If you want to watch me develop into Myself, well, that's odd but I guess I'm asking for it.

Let's go together, far beyond the horizon!

Heh, so dramatic. I crack myself up.

Why am I doing this?

Don't go through life, grow through life. - Eric Butterworth

I am not ready to do this, to start this blog, to start sharing with you. No need to look so nervous! It's not as though I've got some deep dark difficult secrets that will keep you up at night! No, my problem is much worse than that.

I am a lazy perfectionist.

Well, perfectionist might be a wee bit of an exaggeration. But do you have any idea how long it took me to choose the name of this blog? Or the title of this post? Or, worst of all, the url address? Too long. I just sat, looking at the screen, hemming and hawing as though this is a life-defining moment and the wrong choice will label me for eternity.

"Heidi," they'll say in a future job interview, "We are, well, not impressed with your application, that's a bit much, but it'll do. There's just one more concern we have before offering you the position."

Future-me will be on an emotional roller-coaster at this point. Her palms will probably be sweating and her heart beating way too fast. But the heart palpitations are likely from the coffee she drank that morning.

I don't handle coffee very well.

The interviewer will continue, "Why on earth did you title your second blog A Life Spent Growing? It's so grandiose and philosophical and, dare I say it, even garden-y!"

So you see, I have to get it just right! Or future-me will have a stressful job interview with awkward questions! But sometimes I just have to plow ahead, say "Eh, good enough," which can be hard when people are going to see what I did, or didn't, accomplish.

I'm lazy because sometimes it's easier to have an idea and think about that idea rather than create something. I would rather imagine a fun, wittily written article than put the time into drafting one.

So, what is this blog for? I'll get into that tomorrow in more detail because it's important to me, and the direction this blog will (might?) take. But let's just begin by saying that I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me and don't know what to do with it. I want to grow into somebody, but I'm still deciding who that will be.

Thanks for coming along.